Tantrums 101

Tantrums. If you're a parent, you've likely encountered them—maybe in the cereal aisle, during bedtime or right before school. While they can be frustrating and exhausting, tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. The good news? With the right tools and understanding, you can navigate them with more confidence and calm. 

Prefer to listen? Listen to our episode of the Parent-ish Podcast on tantrums here, or wherever you listen to podcasts! 

Why do tantrums happen? 

Tantrums are behaviors that serve a purpose. They typically occur for one of the following reasons: 

1. Escape – Your child wants to avoid a task (like cleaning up or getting dressed). 
2. Access to tangibles – They want something they can’t have (like a toy or candy). 
3. Attention – Whether positive or negative, attention is a powerful motivator. 
4. Automatic/Sensory – Sometimes, tantrums are a way for kids to self-regulate or respond to sensory overload. 

Are tantrums normal? 

Yes! Especially for children between the ages of 1 and 5. In fact, studies show 83% of preschoolers have at least 1 tantrum a month. Typical tantrums happen when kids are tired, hungry, frustrated or during transitions like bedtime or mealtime. 

While tantrums are normal, some signs may indicate a need for further support: 

• Tantrums that involve aggression or destruction 
• Outbursts with non-parent adults 
• Tantrums lasting longer than 5 minutes 
• Explosive behavior that disrupts daily life 

How should I respond? 

Try the ABC approach: 

• Antecedent: What happened before the tantrum? 
• Behavior: What did the tantrum look like? 
• Consequence: How did you respond? 

Understanding these patterns helps you intervene earlier—ideally during the “early warning” stage when your child is just starting to get upset. This is the best time to model calm behavior, validate their feelings and redirect with empathy. 

Prevention is powerful 

Here are proactive strategies to reduce tantrums: 

• Teach calming skills when your child is already calm (deep breathing, counting, muscle relaxation). 
• Model emotional regulation and show them how you handle frustration. 
• Give choices to avoid power struggles. 
• Use reward charts to reinforce positive behavior. 
• Spend quality time daily to build connections and reduce attention-seeking outbursts. 

When to seek help 

There’s no “perfect number” of tantrums that signals a problem. Instead, focus on how much the behavior is interfering with your child’s life and your family’s wellbeing. If tantrums are frequent, intense or affecting school and relationships, talk to your pediatrician. Delays in language or sensory sensitivities can also be contributing factors. 

Busting common myths 

• Myth: Ignoring tantrums is harmful. 
  Truth: Strategically removing attention from negative behaviors (like whining or yelling) while reinforcing positive ones can actually strengthen your relationship and increase desired behaviors. 
• Myth: Talk therapy is the best solution. 
  Truth: For young children, parent management training—where parents learn strategies to support their child—is the gold standard. 

Tantrums are tough, but they’re also an opportunity to teach your child emotional skills that will serve them for life. With consistency, empathy and the right tools, you can turn these challenging moments into meaningful growth—for both of you.